The Old Coot is ‘cheap proud’

I’m a cheapskate! I’ve learned to live cheap!  But, I’m not stingy. Cheap and stingy are two different things. I’m living the low life, a low-price life. It doesn’t always work, not when the lowest price is junk and I have to repurchase it. So, sometimes I move up the price scale, it’s been a lifetime of learning when to pay more. Long before I became an old coot.

This is how I operate as a cheapskate. Take beer and wine for example. You can pay eight, nine or ten dollars for a glass of beer these days. Or, you can learn to like the cheap stuff. I only have two or three beers once a week or so; usually on a Friday, and with my wife. I don’t ask for a beer by name. I ask, “What is your cheapest beer?” (As my wife sitting next to me cringes.)

Same thing with wine. Years ago I drank more wine than beer, my favorite was Two-Buck-Chuck. A two-dollar bottle of wine sold only at Trader Joe’s. None of their stores are in this area, but you can find something similar, just ask the liquor store clerk, “What’s you cheapest wine?” 

It’s easy to learn to like cheap wine and beer, as it is to develop your palate for the high-priced stuff. The same is true for groceries. Store brands are easy to adapt; most of the time they are the same exact product as the name brand, just cheaper. Same thing with dining out; It’s one of the best things about being an old coot. I can’t eat the full portion they serve in a restaurant anymore. So, I split it with my wife and cut my cost in half. 

Now that I’m 80, I employ a new cheapskate technique. I order from the children’s menu. If I’m told the children’s menu is only for kids under 10 I play my 80 card. “I’m eighty, that’s the same thing as being a little kid. Give me the same courtesy, please.” Nine times out of ten it works. 

Buy plain old coffee. You can live without a ten-dollar double shot, mocha latte. Never buy a new car. Fix stuff yourself (if you can). Wash your own car; don’t pay a car wash place. Mow your lawn. Rake it. It’s great for your physical (and mental) health.

That’s it for today. If I go any farther, it will take two sheets of paper to print this out. Something a cheapskate like me tries to avoid.  

Comments? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com.