The Old Coot is on the move

By Merlin Lessler —

I was on a cruise ship recently. It went from Fort Lauderdale to Barbados with four stops in between, approximately 3,000 nautical miles (one nautical mile equals 6,076 feet, in case you didn’t know, like me). I think I put on a similar mileage going from our cabin in the back end of the ship to the theater for shows in the front, and back to the dining room in the aft. 

But that’s not the only place I racked up the miles. I did a good amount riding the elevators, from our floor, nine, to 14 for breakfast and lunch, back to 12 for the pool. Up and down, down and up: floor five for coffee, floor ten to the library and puzzle room, down to the gangway on two, 800 steps to a bus or cab when in port, or three times that much to walk into town. 

I’m not complaining, just commenting. Actually, my Fitbit went nuts counting steps; it must have wondered if someone had stolen it and was on the run. 

Elevator mileage added up the most. I don’t like elevators in general, and those on cruise ships in particular. I once got stuck between floors on a cruise ship in a storm with high seas. The boat was rocking; there I was, stuck with the door open, the floor above was at waist high level. Should I try to scamper up and get out? What if I did and the elevator started to move? It goes so fast I’d be cut in half. 

So, I sat and waited. An hour or so later, the maintenance crew got me out. I don’t know what floors I was between; it couldn’t have been between 12 and 13. There is no floor 13 on a ship. (Or, in a hotel and most other tall buildings.) Superstition over the number 13! Really? In what we call our enlightened modern age?

Whenever I went to 14 for breakfast I laughed at the lights ticking off the floors: nine, ten, 11, 12, 14. I’d comment to other passengers, “What happened to the thirteenth floor?”  

Someone always explained why that was, that it was superstition. That gave me my morning chuckle. My stupid question was never met with silence. It’s what old coots do; let ourselves look stupid because we no longer care what other people think. 

Comments? – Send to mlessler7@gmail.com.