The Old Coot made a split decision

By Merlin Lessler —

I’ve been, or it seems like it, a Siamese twin for the last dozen years or so – one twin that grew into adulthood and old age, constantly saying, “I used to,” or “I once could do,” and the like.

The other one, trying to look ahead, not back. I’m in a struggle to separate the two. It’s a tricky process because we are joined at the head. It’s pulling away from those old brain cells from the past and moving to a new beginning. I should have done this ten years ago, but I’m a late bloomer. 

I’m just starting to get used to the separation. I limit my looking back to the day I turned 80. Not much going on since then to reminisce about with longing. A clean slate.

I walk; I swim; I bike; I do push-ups; I wash the car and putter around in the yard. No real changes in my 80’s. Oh sure, I have a few ailments and physical limitations to put up with, but not bad when I don’t compare myself to the memories now in the hands of my separated twin. 

Life is happier when you get rid of an “I used to” focus. Sure, a few brain cells from my twin cling to me, but for the most part, they are fuzzy, weak, and fading. It took all these years to learn to live in the “here and now.”

My coffee buddies in both New York and Florida are younger than me, except for 100 year-old Lester. Some, by a few years, others younger than three of my oldest daughters. This kind of daily interaction helps a lot.  

My memory lane trips still come out on their own, but only when I take pen (or keyboard) in hand. It’s not a conscious thing. It just happens. When I look at the output, I’m always surprised. It might come from my twin, but it seems more likely to be produced by the subconscious in a process similar to the one that produces dreams.

So, you still have to put up with the Old Coot. Sorry.

Complaints? Comments? Drop them at mlessler7@gmail.com.