The Old Coot bends and stretches

By Merlin Lessler —

Here we go again, being offered yet another way to eliminate a simple chore: FINDING A KID’S SNEAKER! When a kid says, “Where are my sneakers,” their mom or dad responds, “Go look for them yourself!” (Unspoken, but in the parent’s mind, “That’s your problem. I’ve got my own, trying to figure out how to help you make a miniature volcano for show and tell.”) 

That may be a slight exaggeration, and I’m sure a large swath of the population disagrees with my perspective. But why else would a major footwear company like Sketchers think that a lot of parents want to be relieved of the challenge of finding misplaced sneakers? They already proved that people don’t want to be bothered with a simple chore like tying the laces in their sneakers. The enormous sales success of their “Slip-Ins” verified that assumption. 

But this new product, a sneaker for kids with a hidden compartment where a parent can insert an AirTag chip to solve the problem when a kid says, “Mom, where are my sneakers.” At least, that’s how they are promoting the product. A quick glance at an app on a cell phone locates the sneakers. What the heck, another task is now eliminated from the modern-day world. I guess the lost sneaker issue takes too much effort: looking, thinking, bending, and moving stuff around. 

We’ve eliminated many common-day chores. We don’t wash our cars, push a lawnmower, or rake leaves. We can’t even dry our hands with a towel in many public restrooms; we are forced to use a screaming, high-pitched, ultrasonic blow dryer, a definite threat to hearing. I don’t know about women’s restrooms, but in men’s, most guys give the blower a few seconds, get impatient and bothered by the noise, and finish the job by wiping their hands on their jeans.

The list of physical stuff we no longer do is endless. Some people replace the exercise that was lost by going to the gym, or more often, with nothing at all. 

I’m not going to put a chip in my sneakers. I’ve opted for all the bending, stretching, looking, thinking, and moving things around that I can get. Us old-timers need to stick with the credo, “Use it or lose it.” I know I can’t afford to lose any more of it.