The Old Coot is sorry (and thankful)

By Merlin Lessler —

One of the drawbacks of being an old coot is the constant need to apologize! I spill stuff, not just on myself, but on my surroundings and people within range. Or when I forget to be somewhere or do something, like mailing a letter promptly instead of carrying it around for three days.

Even worse, I tend to reminisce excessively about the good old days and the stuff I used to do. Like that afternoon in my 30’s when I finally was able to run a mile in six minutes. (My one and only time, and it nearly killed me.) Yet, I’m still inserting it into conversations 50 years later.

After a while, you discover that just saying, “I’m sorry,” doesn’t quite do the job with the person you insulted, spilled something on, or otherwise offended. You say, “I’m sorry.”

They frown at you and say, “Whatever!”

You need a follow-up to your lame, “I’m sorry.”

I learned the lesson the hard way. It was at a reception my company was holding for a U.S. senator. I accidentally spilled red wine on the front of his pristine white shirt. Our CEO stood beside him as the incident unfolded, glaring at me as I offered profuse apologies.

The senator turned to him and said, “Give the kid a break; somebody hit his elbow.” (A lie.)

Bottom line: I didn’t get fired. A good thing! I had two daughters in college, one in high school, and another in middle school. That’s when I learned to say, “Thank you for your forgiveness.”

Now, I add it whenever I say, “I’m sorry.”   

One thing I don’t ever have to apologize for is being late. I’m early! All old coots are early. And not just for early bird specials. We’re early for everything.

Have you ever been in a doctor’s office waiting room and overheard the receptionist say, “I’m sorry, sir, your appointment is tomorrow.”

Now, that’s really early. But not as embarrassing as when we show up at a party where the invitation said it starts at seven o’clock. We arrive a few minutes before seven and get, “Oh, you’re here already? Come in. Jane is in the shower, and I have to go to the store to pick up some ice.”

That’s when I parade out a, “I’m sorry,” and then stupidly add, “Do you mind if I open this bottle of white wine.”

One might expect us to arrive late, in the polite way, like everyone else. But we can’t do it. It’s not in our DNA. I suggest you tell old coot invitees a later arrival time than the others. This will prevent an awkward situation for both of you.

If these comments offend you in some way, “I’m sorry.” Plus, the rest of the junk I recommended saying.

Comments? Send to mlessler7@gmail.com.