The Old Coot thinks old is good

Young guys look at old coots like me, and say, “Oh boy, look at that old guy; he’s just not with it, can’t do stuff, walks funny. Never going to happen to me!” 

They think it’s bad to be old, but it’s not. There are a lot of advantages to being an old coot.

We have a built in excuse for a lot of unpleasant things. We don’t have to help someone move to a new house or apartment. Or, to lift heavy objects, like the other day in the Owego Kitchen. Ike needed help unloading a huge cooler from a pick-up truck and moving it inside; a very heavy and awkward item to handle. He didn’t even consider asking me. The “young” guys got the privilege while Lester (Ike’s father) and I watched. 

I’m glad I’m too old to cave dive, or run a marathon, walk a tightrope, scale a cliff, and a whole slew of other “feats of strength.” People even open doors for me, wave me ahead of them in line, and help me carry groceries to my car. I don’t have to worry about getting old, I’m already there, and an expert on managing life in an old body. 

But, the nicest things about being old, is you don’t have to be politically correct about what you say. You can be frank. Something the younger crowd can’t do, not without being called a bully, or being obliterated by social media. 

We can say, “You need to fix your breath; it stinks.” 

We do this mostly with old people like us, things of necessity like, “You forgot to comb your hair, dummy” or “Your pants are on backwards” – “I think you’re wearing your wife’s blouse.” 

It’s a kindness to do this for the individual and a necessity if we want to improve the image of oldsters in general. Young folks are not exempt from our unfiltered comments, “Boy you’ve put on weight!” – “When did you go bald?”

My friend Alan has a nickname, “One shoe – two shoe.” He made the mistake of walking into our early morning coffee group wearing two different shoes; he hadn’t noticed them on his five-mile walk down the beach to Starbucks. Yes, there are definitely advantages to being old. You can mouth off to some big, young guy to a degree (let’s not go crazy here), and a have pretty good chance that he won’t hit you. He’d be embarrassed to be seen beating up an old man.

Don’t try this at home kids! I know of one old guy who did this and got decked. Even so, it’s good to be old. 

Comments? Send to mlessler7@gmail.com.