I was sitting in my recliner chair working on a crossword puzzle when I noticed a peanut lying on my chest. I reached down to grab it, to eat it, and discovered it wasn’t a peanut; it was the button on my shirt. Such is life for an old coot – to expect scraps of food on your shirt that blend in with the coffee, mustard, and ketchup stains. It makes me wish that tie-dye shirts of the Hippie Era I grew up in were back in style. Those were the good old days. When, no matter what you dropped on your shirt, it blended in.
If you want to see a happy, well-adjusted old coot, look for a guy wearing a tie-dye shirt, slip on shoes, no socks, and cargo shorts; sometimes with the shirt on backwards, and sometimes with shoes that don’t match.
The Tie-dye shirts, because of the aforementioned food dribble problem. Shorts, because they are much easier to get into than long pants. Cargo shorts in particular, because of their plethora of pockets (boy, I love that word), so we can carry all the junk that just might be needed – jack knife, wallet, cell phone, band-aid, map, tissue, pen, paper, yo-yo, Tums, medical insurance cards, a length of string and the like. We’re not Boy Scouts, but we are prepared!
Socks, we’ve discovered aren’t necessary, and not wearing them makes us look sort of hip – like the sockless, yuppie young adults who mock us. Slip-on shoes need no explanation other than they prevent a head rush when we bend down and stop us from taking a tumble in the process.
I got into all this because I thought a peanut resting on my chest was a button. Now, I have to conclude and get into the kitchen and hope there is a can of peanuts in the cupboard. For some reason I’ve developed a sudden craving.
Complaints? Comments? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com.
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