The Old Coot explains FCMB&B

[By Merlin Lessler]

In between the ambulance-chasing lawyer ads and prescription drug ads that dominate the TV screen today are ads for nutritional pills and supplements to extend your life and keep you healthy (without FDA scrutiny). Eat fruit and vegetables? Why bother? Just take two pills containing all the contents of a pile of beautiful-looking vegetables and fruits condensed and crushed into a pill. Other ads focus on the digestive system. If you take all this stuff, can you live to 150?   

There are also ads for pills that focus on the brain, helping to avoid Alzheimer’s, and a bunch of pricey salves, some made just for men, that eliminate bags under your eyes and wrinkles. The before and after pictures prove it. If you believe them.

I try to go to the other end of the spectrum and eat real fruit and vegetables. Then along comes an article in the Wall Street Journal warning of the pesticides in tomatoes, cucumbers, peas, and other grocery-store fruits and vegetables. If you don’t take the pills and you can’t eat the store-bought fruits and vegetables, what are you to do?  

I try to relate today’s advertising world to what it was like when I was growing up and we got our first TV. My father put up an antenna, and we received three channels, sort of. Often with a snowy picture on the screen. Many people had indoor, rabbit-ear antennas; they required frequent twisting and turning and were often decorated with pieces of tinfoil to improve reception. TV ads were few and far between. Usually at the beginning of a show, in the middle, and at the end. A thirty-minute time slot had 27 minutes of show. The average show today is 20 minutes long; you are forced to suffer through 10 minutes of ads. 

Pills and the like were mildly advertised back then, but not prescription medicine. There were ads for Carter’s Little Liver Pills, a tonic called Serutan (natures spelled backwards) and Geritol. That’s the only one I remember. The rest of the ads were for cars, toys, kitchenware, and other products and services. There was no big push to sue somebody or shove medicines down our throats. Except for cereal. 

We were instructed by Mister Wizard, on his weekly science show, to start our day with FCMB&B. Fruit, Cereal, Milk, Bread & Butter. A hoax imposed on us by the Kellogg’s and Post cereal companies. It became ingrained in me. That’s because I’m an old coot with decades of FCMB&B under my belt.

Comments? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com.