The Old Coot suggests a solution

By Merlin Lessler —

Revisiting a New Year’s story from 2015 that still rings true.

“If I let you do it, I’d have to let everyone do it!” I heard a friend say this at one of her famous Sunday afternoon neighborhood turkey and ham dinner parties a while back. I can’t mention her name without violating the privacy regulations; it’s Nancy Ruiz! She was relating a conversation she had with a kid in the school cafeteria who’d asked her to bend the rules. It woke me from my usual comatose state at these events.

“No you wouldn’t!” I shouted from across the room, bringing a dead silence to the huddles of conversation throughout the house. “You could have given him what he wanted.” She looked at me as though I was nuts, and she was probably right, but I’ve heard that line a million times, and it drives me crazy.

It’s very prevalent in public schools. It’s where I first encountered it. Miss Wood, my fourth-grade teacher, told me in no uncertain terms, “No, you cannot turn in your assignment tomorrow; it’s due today. I’m giving you a zero. If I let you turn it in late, I’d have to let everybody turn theirs in late!”

No she wouldn’t, just the kid who spends the creative energy to come up with an original excuse. Mine was that I’d set my English homework down on the sidewalk when I stopped to repair a bird’s broken wing. A dog came along and ran off with my essay. (That alone deserved something higher than a zero.)

You run into this: “If I let you…” excuse all the time, especially when dealing with corporate or governmental bureaucracies. Service reps recite it so often it sounds like a religious chant. Once in a blue moon, you get someone who will bend the rules, but for the most part, you get a full helping of, “What do you think would happen if we let all our customers do that?”

My response, “THEY’D BE HAPPY AND YOU’D HAVE THOUSANDS MORE! DUH!”

I have to admit I’m probably oversensitive to the “If I let you” excuse. I’ve felt its sting time and again over the years. It’s almost always been something the person could have done; in fact, they should have been happy to do it. And, it’s almost always the case that they wouldn’t have had to do it for EVERYBODY.

I wonder what the world would be like if everybody used this excuse as often as the bureaucrats in government and in corporations. It would be pretty miserable. Old coots would suffer the most; our senior citizen discounts and early bird specials would disappear.

“Let the old guy have my seat” would be replaced with, “Get out of the way, you old coot. If I gave you my seat, I’d have to be polite to all old people!”

The guy in the aisle seat on an airplane wouldn’t jump up to let me out when a leg cramp strikes my calf.

But there is a solution. If we all just reject the “If I let you do it” mentality and replace it with the Golden Rule. It’s such an easy fix.

Comments, complaints can be left at mlessler7@gmail.com.