Suets Folly

Suets FollyProvided photo.

I have always admired people that are serious bird lovers. I admired their commitment when it came to keeping their bird feeders filled to the rim year-round. Me, I was more of a bird liker. I would haphazardly fill my one bird feeder during the spring and summer. I never thought I would be one of those people who worry about their feathered friends getting enough nutrition in the winter.

 It had been my opinion that wild birds are wild for a reason. Certainly, they were able to hunt down and prepare their own meals? Sure, I have Home Chef deliver my dinners three times a week, but I’m on my own the other four days. You don’t see me slamming into the windows of their homes begging for scraps.  

But then things changed. Due to the pandemic, I found myself staring out the window much more than usual. What I saw made me rethink my old ideas of the feeding habits of birds. Not unlike those heartbreaking commercials with the starving caged dogs, I saw my feathered friends pleading with me to be their savior. I alone could fill their empty, swollen bellies. And so, with mask and wallet in hand, I began my one-woman quest to feed Owego’s malnourished bird population. 

It wasn’t long before the word got out! Birds from far and wide discovered the all you can eat seed buffet on Dugan Road. What had previously been a single feeder backyard grew into an eclectic array of multi-level homes, platform perches, squirrel busters, and suet baskets. They ate with gusto! They ate continuously! And they were about to eat me out of house and home. God’s little creatures depended on ME for their survival. With winter approaching, I could not let them down!  

After much thought and research, I arrived at the answer for keeping my birds, and my wallet, fat and happy. I’d like to say that it was good old Yankee ingenuity that led to my solution. Ingenuity had nothing to do with it, not mine anyway. Like millions of electronic hoarders before me, I fell into that black hole of other people’s creative ideas – Pinterest.

At 8 a.m. I googled “homemade bird food and feeders.” By 4 p.m. my fingers were cramping and my head was spinning. 

I discovered that there are literally thousands of ideas (also known as “Pins” in the Pinterest world) for how to make a variety of food to appeal to a variety of birds. Have I been living in a bird-free cave all these years? I never knew there was such a thing as birdseed Christmas bells or birdseed Christmas ornaments. I guess these would attract the cardinals? 

My eyes glazed over as I scanned page after page of creative ways to present the birds’ food. Even in the wild kingdom, presentation is everything. I am not proud to admit that I fell short on that, however. Two of my feeders had peeling paint; another was missing a perch. Sure, the birds need a lovely home from which to dine, but upkeep of a bird’s house would be hypocritical to me. I needed to find a project that would double as food and a serving platter. Kind of like a bread bowl for soup. Why not kill two birds with one stone? (Not literally, calm down.)

Being close to the Christmas season, I refused to click on any pin that showed images of power tools or hot glue guns. What I was looking for was anything with the words “simple,” “kid-friendly,” or “3 ingredients you already have at home.” It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s just that I don’t feel like putting in the time or effort.

Imagine my glee when I stumbled upon an idea that met all my criteria, cookie-cutter suet cakes! Were they simple enough for a toddler to make? You bet! Did I have all of the 3 ingredients on hand in my cupboard? Yes, I did!

Step 1: Mix together peanut butter and shortening. Step 2: Roll this slop in birdseed. Step 3: Press the mess into cookie cutters. Step 4: Refrigerate for a few hours. Step 5: Reward yourself with some boxed wine while the concoction hardens (optional). Step 6: Remove from cookie cutters and use twine to hang each cookie from a tree branch. Step 7: Sit back and enjoy the sight as your feathered friends feast upon the crunchy treats! 

Suets Folly

An image of my failed suet attempt, or folly. (Photo by Janet Bunnell)

This was the outcome I had fantasized. In reality, the treats disintegrated as soon as they were removed from the cookie cutters.  

I learned an important lesson that day. There was no logical reason for me to expand my limited culinary skills to the animal kingdom. To do so was a form of animal cruelty – sheer folly.

2 Comments on "Suets Folly"

  1. TheFeatheredSerpent | January 31, 2021 at 8:47 am | Reply

    Very good story! I like birds.

  2. With wit, humor and a genuine sense of empathy for our fine feathered friends, you I brought a smile to my face on this cold and dreary winter day. Well done!

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