The mention of February stirs up images of chocolate in heart shaped boxes, flying cupids with arrows, and heart shaped candies inscribed with sweet sayings, “Be Mine.” Beneath the surface of some of these romantic sentiments may lurk some darker red flags of abuse.
As February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, let’s discuss how messages like “Call me” on a candy heart could be recognized as a potential indicator of abusive behavior. The 2013 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey found that about one in five teen females and one in ten teen males had reported physical or sexual violence in dating relationships. Shoving, pinching, making you do sexual things you are not comfortable with, or making you feel like you “owe” sex are examples of physical and sexual violence.
Despite these alarmingly high rates of abuse, the numbers do not include rates of equally damaging emotional abuse. Emotional abuse, much like physical and sexual violence, is used as a tactic of power and control not only in abusive adult relationships, but also in teen dating violence.
Does your partner threaten to harm themselves if you don’t do what they want? Accuse you of cheating? Call / text / message you repeatedly when you are with friends to “check up” on you? These subtle tactics are examples of emotional abuse.
Recognizing these and other red flags is one way to protect yourself if you are in an unhealthy relationship. If a friend tells you that their partner is abusive, remind them they are not to blame for the abuse and that abuse is not love.
To learn more about warning signs, safety planning, or to take a quiz, go to www.loveisrespect.org or find them on Facebook. You can also speak with a counselor at A New Hope Center in Owego to discuss options in a free and confidential setting. The 24-hour hotline is (607) 687-6866 or you can text (607) 972-1996 to talk more.
Love is not about intimidation, blaming, jealousy or threats, but partnership, fairness, trust and respect.
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