A Pastor’s Thoughts: ‘Revealing the Hurt’

By Dr. Matthew Thornton, Dmin; Lakeview Chapel  —

Genesis 3:8-10 

8Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?” 

10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” 

I had an experience recently that related to the scripture in Genesis where I was hurt. Many pastors and other church leaders hide their hurt. Pastor’s are often taught that a true leader is always strong, bulletproof, and can weather any storm. It is rare that he should show how he truly feels. We are told that we have a responsibility to hold it all together. 

While there is some truth to this, it’s not always wholly and completely the best. I’m unsure how many people are aware of the incredible burden that leaders bear, especially pastors. Judgement, accusation, and harsh unfair criticism are too common towards pastors. Most often, many hide their hurts from both man and God. 

Adam hid himself as his eyes were opened and he realized he was naked. I’m looking at Adam’s reaction, especially with a conversation with God. Adam is afraid, so he hides. What I’m trying to say is that this is what happens with leaders in many situations. When God or people call out to us to talk or ask, we hide. 

In a way, pastors don’t want to be “emotionally” naked before anyone except the Lord. We may even try to “clothe” our feelings or thoughts before God. Too often, we try to “hide” the bare version of ourselves. 

I attended a conference this year. The speaker really challenged us. What he said changed my life forever, as it certainly was not what I had ever heard before. This man said that if pastors, leaders, and elders are not more revealing about legitimate hurts that are caused to them, they are literally “training” their congregations to be dishonest about what’s really going on with them as well. 

Leading by example means leading as a mirror. What I reflect to the congregation, they will reflect back to me. 

To many, a good pastor must always be solid, upbeat, infallible, chipper, and really just a good time. He can’t have a down day, an “okay” day, or a bad day where his less than best is excused. This turns pastors into machines. Pastors are not machines; they are not entertainment; their job is not simply to make you feel good. Pastors shepherd, they guide, they seek the will of God and offer to lead their people in that direction. Pastors have hearts and feelings. This is often forgotten. They get lonely, they struggle, they cry. 

The Bible teaches us to look up to and esteem our leaders. 

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 

12 But we ask you, brothers and sisters, to recognize those who diligently labor among you and are in leadership over you in the Lord, and give you instruction, 13 and that you regard them very highly in love because of their work. Live in peace with one another. 

I took the risk and revealed to someone I care for that I was legitimately hurt by something said. The results were amazing! Both of us began to see the other person in a much more real light. Titles and roles of who was who began to disappear, and the conversation became much more about healing and self-reflection. There were no accusations, no jabs. Real reconciliation began to happen, and it was a bit of magic. 

Pastors, I encourage you to, with discernment, reveal your true self. Let your congregant see the real you, whether that be pain, heartache, joy, or sorrow. 

Congregants, love and support your pastor. He has given up his life goals to teach you in the ways of God. He is a person; he has feelings and a heart. Love him, and let him love you.