Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

By Amy Swindler, Counselor/ Advocate, A New Hope Center —

“She’s not abusing me when she hits me; it’s just how we mess around,” a 15-year-old boy rolls his eyes, the only time he’s moved them from the screen of his phone during the conversation.

His mother, Candace, searches the face of her son, Michael, worrying about the health of the relationship he has with his girlfriend, Alex. On the surface, the girl seems nice enough. Candace knows that Alex has had a difficult home life, and has seen the two enjoying time together, but she’s also seen Alex hitting her son – hard – on his arms when she gets annoyed with a joke that he’s made.

Michael does laugh while she’s doing it, but Candace is understandably distraught. How can she let him know that anyone putting their hands on anyone else, even “fooling around,” is unhealthy?

Teen dating violence, also called adolescent relationship abuse, affects one third of adolescents in the United States. These are victims of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner. This figure vastly exceeds the rates of all other types of youth violence.

Locally, for example, Owego Free Academy oversees the education of approximately 600 children. Statistically, this means that approximately 200 of these students will be victims of teen dating violence.

Due to the nature of intimate partner violence, a survivor may be in denial about the violence or, even if they acknowledge it, they may be so manipulated by the abuser that they may state that they “don’t care” what their partner says or does to them.

Dating violence does not have to be physical or sexual to be abusive. Demeaning a person, calling them names, stalking them, and controlling their finances are all abusive behaviors. So, as parents, what can we do to protect our children?

First, listen without judgment. If your child discloses abuse to you, it is tempting to want to immediately end the relationship and take control of the entire situation. That may be the result of the situation, but if you shut the conversation down immediately with a statement such as, “Well, you’re never seeing him again,” it’s possible that the child will not only begin sneaking around to see their partner, but it’s possible that they will also no longer trust or confide in you.

Second, offer support. Ask the child what she wants. Resources, such as A New Hope Center in Owego, offer free and confidential counseling services, specifically geared towards survivors of domestic violence. You may want to schedule an appointment with your child’s primary care physician or make an appointment with a licensed therapist.

Third, contact the school, and discuss the situation with the appropriate staff and faculty. This may include the principal, the school psychologist, and some trusted teachers. The most important factor is that there are eyes on the child and that potential abuse is mitigated.

Teens are already struggling with the changes of growing up and learning to navigate the world. As adults, we don’t always have all the answers, but we can always reach out for more resources.

For more information on helping your child with teen dating violence, you can call or text A New Hope Center at (607) 687-6866, or visit www.ANewHopeCenter.org. 

Their offices are located at 20 Church St. in Owego, N.Y. and are open Monday through Friday, from 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.