Guest Editorial: International Survivors of Suicide Day recognized

As the holidays approach, International Survivors of Suicide Day, which was recognized in November, reminds us that this time of year can take a toll on survivors around the world. The World Health Organization estimates that over 800,000 people die by suicide each year. 

The following is a note from a survivor:

A daughter, a sister, a friend. At the age of 21 Kelly lost her battle against Depression and Bipolar Disorder. Despite her struggles, she always put others before herself. She was studying to become a nurse so that she could make a career out of helping others. Even though she was sad, she would constantly smile to cheer up those around her. Her smile lit up a room; her laugh was contagious. You could not help but feel the warmth of her love when around her, for she never turned anyone away. Because she was so concerned about the wellbeing of others she never sought out help for herself. She was too afraid to seek help from the people that loved and cared about her. Her illness prevented her from seeing the joy and happiness she brought to others. Kelly’s memory lives on in the hearts and minds of those she touched in her brief time here. Know that you are never alone. And, when the world seems to be crumbling down, take Kelly’s advice and “Just Breathe” and know that everything will be okay. I love and miss you every day. –Kyle

For those who have lost a loved one to suicide they will never ever be the same. Suicide is like setting off a grenade. Those closest are torn to shreds, while those further back are burned, cut and scraped. There is no one that is safe from the explosion. 

Several years ago a close friend lost her daughter to suicide. There were years of Bi-polar swings, anger and frustration at behaviors that seemed to come out of nowhere, and then suddenly her world BLEW up. Her daughter took her own life and then there was no coming back to the way things were. She was frozen in grief and loss. 

After a time she was able to get out of bed and shower and get ready, and looked like she was living her life. She looked good. However, inside she was fraught with guilt that she couldn’t save her baby and shame what others thought of her inability to protect her child. She couldn’t focus and she couldn’t complete tasks. Her perception of the world changed. She was the victim of the grenade and she was FROZEN! 

While the grenade rocked her immediate world, it also took its toll on her family – both immediate and extended. Honestly, I thought my friend needed to get bonus points for getting up and showing up, even when that was really all she did. Time passed and she hadn’t moved on, she showed up but little else was happening.  

In trying to motivate her to be more productive, a supervisor told her that she should be over it by now.” Shouting in my head I knew that she would NEVER ever be “OVER IT.”  

While we are all different people and react to things very differently, after a suicide touches your life, things will never ever be the same. You can however move forward. It takes time, but moving forward is the only way. Grief therapy is an important component, being involved with a survivors or support group, and handling your own depression through medication management are all things that can help. Everyone’s journey is individual, there are face-to-face support groups and there are online supports, https://allianceofhope.org/our-story/.

Local support groups are offered in Elmira and Ithaca. Contact Tioga County Mental Hygiene for more information. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can also be reached at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This number can be dialed from anywhere in the United States 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 

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