The Old Coot proves he is over 21

[By Merlin Lessler]

My friend Roy is 86 years old. He says 86 going on 87. When you are in your eighties, you give your age just like little kids do. If you say to a four-year-old, “I hear you are four years old now.” He will reply, “No, I’m four and one half.” (I’m 83 1/2 myself.)

Anyhow, Roy bought some hard cider at a high-end grocery store near Cornell University the other day. He couldn’t buy it unless he proved he was of legal drinking age. I’m sure he chuckled. I did when he told me about it. And to make it worse, the clerk requested proof from his eighty-four-year-old wife, who was standing next to him. 

She didn’t have her driver’s license with her. The manager had to be summoned to allow the purchase. It’s frustrating that companies don’t trust their employees to use their judgment with company policies when it’s obvious that someone is over 21. They make the rules ironclad. No bending allowed.

I run into the same thing every year at Watkins Glen during the vintage racing car festival. The main street through town is closed to traffic so the original Watkins Glen sports car races can be reenacted on the original race course route that went through the village. Several spectators were hurt, and one was killed in 1952, bringing an end to racing through town. The sponsors then built the present-day racetrack on the hill above the village. 

At the festival, the streets in town are littered with a large array of early sports cars. Beer stands litter the area as well, and the “no open container” law is suspended. It costs five bucks for a small beer in a flimsy plastic cup. 

But not for me; I go to the gas station in the middle of it all and buy a giant can of Miller Lite for $2.29. I get carded, but I’ve done it enough times to expect it and have my driver’s license ready. A small inconvenience for twice the beer and half the price. 

The trouble we now face is that more and more customer interaction functions are being handled by artificial intelligence. Those idiot savants aren’t as smart as the developers claim. But you can be sure of one thing: Roy and I are going to show ID for the rest of our lives, no matter how many wrinkles we get. 

It’s always going to be, “Their way or the highway!”

Comments? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com.