The Old Coot draws circles

I’m sitting here in Carol’s Coffee and Art Bar with a blank piece of paper in front of me. I’ve got nothing! Just a foggy view through my writer’s block. It started while I was in the Owego Kitchen two days ago. The paper stayed blank that day, but the coffee and blueberry muffin were great. Now, I’m trying to force my way through the haze again. I drew a circle, and then another, hoping the motion would help fire the neurons in my aging brain. It worked; I stared at the circles and the germ of an idea jumped through the mist: manhole covers! What a perfect topic for a grumpy old coot.

Manhole covers, sunken ones, are a pain. The ones in the middle of the road that pavers neglect when they add a new layer of blacktop, plus the storm sewer grates along the side of the road. They often end up several inches below the pavement. Once in a while, a few inches above. You’re sailing along minding your own business, checking your phone for text messages, munching down a Big Mac and yelling at an IDIOT on the car radio who is pushing a new drug, followed by a list of side effects that would get better results than the torture techniques of terrorists. (He’s the drug dealer we really should be going after.) But, back to the circles, the manhole covers and sunken grates. BAM! You hit one and it spills the coffee onto your lap. It’s worse than hitting a speed bump. They at least warn you when those tooth rattlers lie ahead. 

How hard is it to raise the grates and manhole covers (or lower them) when repaving the road? Or, if it is too hard, then why not just weld a second cover or grate on top of the first to minimize the jolt? It’s a game of Russian roulette driving east on Erie Street. Cars by the hundred travel every day on this route, to avoid going through downtown Owego. Most drivers learn the hard way by slamming into a sunken drain. After that, they set a course that avoids the obstacles. Cars going east, look like skiers weaving in and out of gates on a slalom course. (For some unknown reason, the grates on the other side of the road are the same level as the pavement.)  

Even worse, are the sunken grates I encounter on my bicycle when crossing the Hiawatha Bridge. (That’s the one by Hickories Park.) The drain holes don’t bother cars because they are in the shoulder area of the road, in the miserly space provided for bikers and walkers. It was bad enough when the DOT reduced the width of this space by moving the guardrails from the edge of the bridge onto it several years ago, but now it’s a gauntlet you have to run to get across the bridge. There are 12 sunken storm drain holes on each side of the bridge that try to throw you and your bike into a tumble, or a swan dive into the river, or a fatal crash in front of a speeding automobile. The circles on my once blank piece of paper tell a scary tale. Forget the clowns. Beware the manhole covers! 

Complaints? Comments? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com.