{"id":99753,"date":"2024-01-03T11:33:20","date_gmt":"2024-01-03T16:33:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.owegopennysaver.com\/PS\/?p=99753"},"modified":"2024-01-03T11:33:20","modified_gmt":"2024-01-03T16:33:20","slug":"the-old-coot-cant-make-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.owegopennysaver.com\/PS\/2024\/01\/03\/the-old-coot-cant-make-it\/","title":{"rendered":"The Old Coot can\u2019t make it"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Merlin Lessler<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

My wife was down with a cold and spent the night on the couch the other day (actually it was in 2011 but I was too lazy to come up with a new article this week). It caused me a problem of major proportions the next morning. What to do with the unmade bed? <\/span><\/p>\n

Men are born with a genetic defect; we can\u2019t make beds. We can\u2019t fold either. When we make a bed it looks like a pile of dirty laundry. When we fold a T-shirt it looks like a wadded up newspaper. We are bed making and folding challenged, an incurable affliction.  <\/span><\/p>\n

It starts showing itself, this defect, when we are young boys and our mothers try to teach us how to make a bed. The harder we try, the worse it looks. When we get older, we fight back, \u201cWhy do I have to make the bed; I\u2019ll just mess it up again tonight?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a reasoned argument, but it never wins the day. No matter what we say, we still end up being forced to smooth out the sheet, pull up the blanket, align the cover and drape it over the pillow. My bed looked like someone was still in it when I was done. It didn\u2019t matter! <\/span><\/p>\n

I was required to make it every morning. \u201cBecause we are civilized people,\u201d my mother explained. \u201cWhat if someone saw your room and the bed was unmade?\u201d I made it and went off to school. Then she came in and straightened out the mess. <\/span><\/p>\n

I learned a few tricks along the way. I solved the problem when I was a teenager by hiding the sheet and blanket under the bed. I then slipped the bedspread over the top and smoothed it out. Without the layers underneath to mess me up it looked perfect.  <\/span><\/p>\n

So, there I was the other morning (in 2011), an old coot faced with a horrendous dilemma. One I usually avoided by getting up early. Now I am stuck! My mother\u2019s words, \u201cWe are a civilized people,\u201d haunted me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I found the sheet at the bottom of the bed; I\u2019d kicked it around pretty good during the night. A leg cramp must have hit me in my sleep. I pulled it tight and then tried to smooth out the blanket. It didn\u2019t look too lumpy, so I moved ahead with the top cover. It came out lopsided. <\/span><\/p>\n

When it was even on one side of the bed it hung at an angle on the other side. I put the uneven side where my wife wouldn\u2019t see it, covered the functional pillows (the ones we use) and put the frilly (useless) ones on top. <\/span><\/p>\n

It still looked like a boa constrictor was hiding under the spread. I took a step back and squinted; when I squeezed my eyes just right, an image of a perfectly made bed appeared. <\/span><\/p>\n

Santa was good to me! My wife never noticed. Hope he was good to you this year.<\/span><\/p>\n

Comments, complaints? Send to mlessler7@gmail.com<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Merlin Lessler My wife was down with a cold and spent the night on the couch the other day (actually it was in 2011…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":82349,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-99753","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-editorial"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Old Coot can\u2019t make it - Owego Pennysaver Press<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.owegopennysaver.com\/PS\/2024\/01\/03\/the-old-coot-cant-make-it\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Old Coot can\u2019t make it - Owego Pennysaver Press\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"By Merlin Lessler My wife was down with a cold and spent the night on the couch the other day (actually it was in 2011...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/www.owegopennysaver.com\/PS\/2024\/01\/03\/the-old-coot-cant-make-it\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Owego Pennysaver Press\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/The-Owego-Pennysaver-49179420591\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-01-03T16:33:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.greenstreetdata.com\/PS\/owego\/files\/2020\/11\/Old-Coot.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"225\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"225\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"psadvert\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"psadvert\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/www.owegopennysaver.com\/PS\/2024\/01\/03\/the-old-coot-cant-make-it\/\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/www.owegopennysaver.com\/PS\/2024\/01\/03\/the-old-coot-cant-make-it\/\",\"name\":\"The Old Coot can\u2019t make it - 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