This column was published in August of 2008. It\u2019s being republished to honor the memory of Bill Schweizer, who died this year at age 99. My Hero!<\/p>\n
I was in Dunkin Donuts the other morning. It was about 6 a.m. and nobody was around. Sunday morning was just coming up, a lazy, peaceful time. I was nestled in a chair by the window; the muddy Susquehanna was off to my right; the intersection of Front and Park was straight ahead. <\/span><\/p>\n I counted the signs at the corner. There were 15 separate pieces of tin giving directions to three car routes, two bike routes, and two local streets in view from where I sat. A lot of information to decipher while driving down Park Street, talking on a cell phone, balancing a cup of coffee between one\u2019s knees and looking for route 17C. <\/span><\/p>\n This is the same spot where the inspiration to write about spandex came to me a few months back. The need to ban it! It started when a spandex clad cyclist pulled up to the intersection and stopped for a red light. He was perched on a high-tech racing bike; an aerodynamic helmet that made him look like a space alien was on his head; a pair of exotic cycling shoes were bolted to his pedals.<\/p>\n The light didn\u2019t change! He, and his bike, weren\u2019t heavy enough to trip the sensor in the road that would turn the traffic signal from red to green, in spite of his being at least 50 pounds overweight. He waited and waited. Finally, he got off his bike and walked it over to the pedestrian crossing button and pushed it. It gave me the chance to examine his spandex profile in depth, the proverbial two pounds of bologna in a one-pound sack. It fueled my desire to ban the stuff, at least for \u201cathletes\u201d of his stature. <\/p>\n As often happens when I shoot my mouth off in print, I irk a few people. Okay, a lot of people. This time it moved a reader to challenge my spandex stance with a poem. A friendly neighbor who lives a few doors up the street from me penned it. He thought he could do it anonymously but as is always the case when I say I won\u2019t mention the subject\u2019s name, I do. <\/span><\/p>\n Here is the spandex rebuttal poem, written by Bill Schweizer. <\/p>\n I wonder what bothers the Old Coot<\/p>\n On spandex he should have stayed mute<\/p>\n Was this a confession<\/p>\n To hide an obsession<\/p>\n Or just a try to be cute<\/p>\n Referring again to Old Coot<\/p>\n Whose column one must refute<\/p>\n Why can\u2019t he find<\/p>\n A spandex behind<\/p>\n Is really a nice attribute<\/p>\n The subject of spandex is not mute<\/p>\n In spite of complaints by the Old Coot<\/p>\n He should not pretend<\/p>\n All\u2019s well in the end<\/p>\n If spandex was given the boot<\/p>\n As the biker went by really cruising<\/p>\n His spandex controlling the bruising<\/p>\n He yelled at the Old Coot<\/p>\n Your column\u2019s a hoot<\/p>\n But I don\u2019t find it very amusing<\/p>\n This message I give to Old Coot<\/p>\n At least try a spandex suit<\/p>\n You\u2019ll ride with abandon<\/p>\n On your 10 speed tandem<\/p>\n With out a suffering glute<\/p>\n I\u2019ve finally run out of \u201coots\u201d<\/p>\n To disparage the column by Coots<\/p>\n I\u2019ll give it a rest<\/p>\n And wish him the best<\/p>\n In spite of our spandex disputes<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This column was published in August of 2008. It\u2019s being republished to honor the memory of Bill Schweizer, who died this year at age 99….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":82349,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-87289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-editorial"],"yoast_head":"\n