One thing about being an old coot is you do a lot of writing. Notes on the refrigerator: \u201cGet milk!\u201d \u2013 \u201cDon\u2019t forget garbage tonight!\u201d \u2013 \u201cToday is Friday!\u201d Those sorts of things. That\u2019s just the tip of the iceberg. The big list is the \u201ccheck-list\u201d we go through before leaving the house. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s more extensive than the ones airline pilots use before taking off. Mine is too large to fit on the refrigerator. It\u2019s fastened to the wall next to the backdoor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Is you shirt buttoned correctly? The buttons in the correct holes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. Is your sweater on backwards?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you start to go off on a diatribe about the good old days!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. When you walk down the sidewalk, remember to try to walk in a straight line, not your normal serpentine route! CONCENTRATE!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. When you see your reflection in a mirror or a store window, don\u2019t gasp any scream, \u201cWho is that guy!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
6. If you hear yourself saying, \u201cI used to\u2026\u201d snap the rubber band on your wrist and stop yourself. (I\u2019d tie a string on my finger as a reminder like I did when I was a kid in the 50\u2019s, but I can no longer tie a knot using one hand and my teeth.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
7. Slap your face every time you hear yourself say, \u201cOuch!\u2019 or \u201cOops!\u201d out loud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
8. Listen for the sound of the turn signal when you drive on the highway so you won\u2019t travel in the passing lane for hours with it blinking. It gives your generation a bad name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
9. Can\u2019t remember nine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
10. Take the memory pill. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
11. (On and on it goes, too much to list here.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n