Just call me Vern. For years I\u2019ve called people by the wrong name. Introduced to a Lynn, I immediately start calling her Lisa. Greg becomes Craig. Tom becomes Tim (so does Robert, for some odd reason). Paul and Phil (twins, by the way) become switched to Phil and Paul. <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve butchered introductions for years \u2013 even when trying all the tricks: repeating the person\u2019s name right away and using it in a sentence, like, \u201cWhere are you from, Greg?\u201d Another few seconds pass and he becomes Craig. Or worse, I lose his name completely and desperately whisper to my wife as we walk away, \u201cWhat was that guy\u2019s name?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not alone. I\u2019m Norm to some people. My mother had the same issue, sometimes calling me Norm, her brother\u2019s name. So did my next-door neighbor. I\u2019m Merrill, Merl and worst of all, Marilyn. <\/p>\n
It started early. My fourth grade teacher set me up on the girl\u2019s side of the room on her seating chart (Yes, they kept us apart in those days. Smartly, I might add). She\u2019d made up the chart before school started in September, and then was mad at me because she had to redo the seating assignments; she got even by calling me Marylin throughout the entire school year, something that carried over to the playground, much to my chagrin.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m also called Coot (which I like), Jim Steele, my \u201cgo-to\u201d name when I want to be incognito, like in Starbucks or other places that ask your name, so they can call it out when your order is ready. I often use it when I violate some bureaucratic rule and am asked my name. I once used it to sign an electrician inspection, indicating that the work was performed by an electrician, Jim Steele from Elmira. What the heck; I did the wiring and inspected it as I went along. I\u2019m called by a several other descriptive monikers \u2013 old fogie, idiot and the like.<\/p>\n
Now I\u2019ve picked up a new one, \u201cVern!\u201d I was christened this by Ed from Lisle Road, who routinely mentions to Jen, \u201cI saw Vern walking up Davis Hill today.\u201d I like it! I\u2019m adding it to my favorites, Coot, Jim Steele and now, Vern. What\u2019s in a name? I sure don\u2019t know. Just call me Vern.<\/p>\n