If you ever have a heart \u201cthing\u201d and go to a doctor to get it checked out, you\u2019ll probably end up getting a stress test. I had my hiccup a few years ago, and after putting it off for several days, which is part of the \u201cman\u201d code, I went to my regular doctor and he sent me to a cardiologist. FOR A STRESS TEST!<\/p>\n
They put you on a treadmill, glue some electrodes to your chest and back and add other attachments to measure blood pressure, pulse rate and a few more things, I think; I wasn\u2019t paying close enough attention since I\u2019d started stressing before the test began. <\/p>\n
They start the treadmill and off you go, for a walk in the park. But pretty soon, they speed it up, and your leisurely walk turns into a jog, then a foot race. It feels like a mugger is chasing you and you\u2019re desperate to escape his clutches. Then, the treadmill starts to tilt; you\u2019re running up hill now and the mugger is still coming. It tilts some more and you\u2019re on your way up Mount Everest. You turn to the doctor and say, \u201cI think I\u2019m having a heart attack!\u201d He says you aren\u2019t and wants you to continue to the top of the mountain. You do, and finally, the treadmill shuts down.<\/p>\n
In my case, the doctor turned to me (I could barely hear him over my gasping for air) and said, \u201cYou\u2019ve had a positive result.\u201d I smiled and yelled, \u201cYippee!\u201d Stretched my arm high in the air in his direction to get a hand slap. \u201cNo, no,\u2019 he said. \u201cPositive means the test showed some positive artery blockage!\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cDarn,\u201d I thought to myself, \u201cIt\u2019s the first time I heard the word, positive after a medical test, and now he tells me it\u2019s not a good thing.\u201d But, the fix was simple, the Cath Lab crew slipped in a few stents and sent me on my way. I hated the stress test, especially the part where I thought I was having a heart attack. I\u2019m going to ask for something different if I ever need one again. <\/p>\n
It should be done at an airport, in the endless line snaking through security, where you\u2019re wondering what it will be that trips you up and if you\u2019ll make it to your gate in time. And, not get on a plane that CRASHES. The last time I got pulled from the line it was a tiny Swiss Army knife attached to my key chain. It would take 1,000 slashes with its one-inch blade to do any bodily harm. Before that, it was a bottle perfume, one ounce too large. That airport thing would be a real stress test and you wouldn\u2019t have to wear yourself out on a treadmill thinking you\u2019re having a heart attack. <\/p>\n