An oldie but a goodie. It\u2019s been in the closet for seven years; time to let it out again.<\/i><\/p>\n
My hearing is going to pot! And, it\u2019s not an old age thing either. I figured out what\u2019s causing it. Hand dryers! The kind you find in public restrooms. Usually with a sign extolling the advantages of electric dryers over paper towels. <\/p>\n
\u201cThey save paper (natural resources) and prevent the spread of germs.\u201d Bull! It\u2019s cheaper. Plain and simple! I hate these things. Their whine is so high-pitched it damages your hearing. I can\u2019t hear the croak of bullfrogs or the honking of geese because that section of my hearing range has been wiped out. <\/p>\n
These torture machines are especially hard on old coots. We\u2019re exposed to the noise a lot more than normal humans because our bladders have the same capacity as a ten-dollar bottle of eye drops, half an ounce. It\u2019s a defect in the genetic code. When we sign up for Social Security, the old-coot gene kicks in. It shrinks our bladders, makes our joints creaky, our eyes itchy. <\/p>\n
The latter is why I know the cost of a smidgen of eye drop solution; I buy a lot of it. People complain about the price of gas but it\u2019s nothing compared to the price of eye drops. Do the math: a one-half ounce bottle is $10. It takes 256 bottles to make a gallon, bringing the cost to over $2,500. And we worry about gas companies ripping us off! <\/p>\n
Old coots spend half their time in public restrooms, drying their hands. We\u2019re acutely aware of how lousy these torture machines are. We wash our hands and get in line for the dryer. It\u2019s a long wait. <\/p>\n
The guy at the head of the line pushes the button and starts the process. It takes a full minute to dry his hands in the lukewarm air that screams from the nozzle. Most men don\u2019t have the patience to wait their turn. They take one look at the old guys in line, shrug in disgust, wipe their hands on their shirts and walk out. Old coots can\u2019t. If we don\u2019t dry our hands they get so chapped we have to buy Corn Huskers lotion by the gallon. Medicare doesn\u2019t cover eye drops; it doesn\u2019t cover Corn Husker\u2019s. We\u2019d go bankrupt if we skipped the hand dryer. <\/p>\n
Every once in a while, I forget what I\u2019m doing in public restrooms and splash water on my face. That\u2019s usually when I discover the dryer only blows in one direction. Straight down! I can\u2019t swivel the nozzle to get the air to blow toward my face. I get down on my knees, tilt my head toward the ceiling, lift my hands to direct the flow of air to my face and close my eyes so they don\u2019t dry out. People entering the restroom take one look at this praying spectacle and run for their lives. Eventually, I get dried off and leave the place. <\/p>\n
A few more sections of my hearing get damaged. Now, it\u2019s not just the croaks and honks of frogs and geese that are lost to me. I also can no longer hear the sound of someone saying, \u201cHey! It\u2019s so good to see you! You look so young and healthy!\u201d At least I think that\u2019s what happened, because I never hear it anymore. <\/p>\n