Well, it\u2019s happened again. I\u2019m forced to change my ways to fit into a changing world. This time it\u2019s drastic. I have to become a mole person, to learn to live in the dark. I\u2019ll have to function between eleven at night and six in the morning. The rest of the day I\u2019ll sit idle and keep my electric usage at a minimum. <\/p>\n
NYSEG launched a \u201cSmart Meter\u201d program with the installation of the first such device in an Ithaca residence last month. Smart meters are expected to be installed in 1.2 million customer\u2019s homes by 2022 at a cost of $400 per meter. I did the math; that\u2019s a $480,000,000 expense. I sure don\u2019t want to be stuck with the bill, so I\u2019m becoming a mole person.<\/p>\n
These meters are really smart; they keep track of when you\u2019re using electricity so NYSEG can charge you based on the instantaneous cost on the grid. More people use electricity during the day, so the price will be higher than at night. There are several periods when the cost will be astronomical, like at the wake-up hour, when factories and offices are firing up and a legion of teenagers are into their morning ritual, the \u201chour of shower.\u201d <\/p>\n
I\u2019ll have to alter my life style to fit into this evolving high-tech metering world. The cheapest rate will be between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m. That\u2019s the only time I\u2019ll be able to afford the stuff. I\u2019ll live out my life in the dark; I\u2019ll turn into a mole person.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s like being in grade school all over again, except this time around it\u2019s not a tattletale telling the teacher that I\u2019m chewing gum in class, it\u2019s a smart meter telling the NYSEG billing people that I turned on the dishwasher at noon. <\/p>\n
The theory is, when I get the bill for using electricity at peak periods, I\u2019ll change my ways. (Provided they can revive me after seeing what I owe). I\u2019m not going to wait until my new meter arrives; I\u2019m converting myself into a mole person now.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s going to be hard. I\u2019ll get up at 11 p.m., take a shower, turn on the TV and start the coffee maker. Electricity should be cheaper at that time of day. Then I\u2019ll put on my miner\u2019s hat, switch on the built-in light and go out and mow the lawn. I hope the neighbors don\u2019t complain. But what can you do? When I finish the yard work, I\u2019ll take a stroll into downtown Owego. The Owego Kitchen, Carol\u2019s Art & Coffee Bar and Dunkin Donuts will be closed. Harris\u2019 Diner will be closed. Riverow Books will be closed. I won\u2019t have any place to stop for a chat. After a while, people will wonder what happened to the Old Coot, why he\u2019s not around anymore. <\/p>\n
My whole identity will be stripped away. I won\u2019t be the nice old guy you see around the village. I\u2019ll be that weirdo that slinks through town in the dark, in a minor\u2019s helmet. Eventually, I\u2019ll get stopped by the police and questioned about my odd behavior. They\u2019ll ask me my name and I\u2019ll have a senior moment. I won\u2019t be able to come up with an answer. They\u2019ll take me away. My family will report me missing. You\u2019ll see my picture on bulletin boards in supermarkets and on utility poles, right next to the photos of missing cats and dogs. <\/p>\n
Maybe that\u2019s what they had in mind, the real reason they came up with the smart meter. They want to rid the world of old coots. <\/p>\n
I found out who\u2019s to blame. It isn\u2019t exactly NYSEG. The Public Service Commission is the instigator behind the scene. You know, the same group of zealots who made the utilities sell their generating plants and now force us to select a supplier every year or so. They said it would introduce competition into the marketplace and give us choices and lower prices. <\/p>\n
That didn\u2019t work out so hot; so now they have a new plan, \u201csmart meters.\u201d I tried to call the PSC to complain. I called at 11 p.m., during my mole hours, so the electricity I used in looking up their number was the cheap stuff. But nobody was there. An answering machine picked up and told me to call between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. <\/p>\n
Apparently, they aren\u2019t getting ready for a smart meter at their place. They probably haven\u2019t bought any minor helmets either.<\/p>\n