I\u2019m sitting here in exile. Call me old guy #1. Next to me is a guy wearing a baseball cap and white knee socks (old guy #2). Across from us is a guy with a cell phone attached to his belt (old guy #3). We\u2019re outside a shop called Bahama Mama\u2019s in Flagler Beach, Florida, a small town half way between Daytona Beach and Saint Augustine. We\u2019re here on the porch, three strangers, waiting for our wives who are inside scouring the racks and shelves. The sign next to the door promises: exotic gift baskets, tropical metal art, island d\u00e9cor for inside and out and key lime products. No men allowed! Well, it doesn\u2019t actually say. \u201cNo men allowed,\u201d but it might as well.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know what any of those things in the shop are; yet, I know I\u2019m not interested. I\u2019m also not interested in sitting on a porch with two other old guys who also don\u2019t want to be on the other side of Bahama Mama\u2019s door, but it\u2019s what we do! You see us all over the place \u2013 sitting on benches in malls \u2013 sitting in cars in shopping center parking lots or waiting outside a house in a residential neighborhood with the engine idling while our wives are inside concluding a \u201cGood-Bye\u201d process. We\u2019ve said our good bye, a simple, \u201cThanks for having me, hope to see you soon,\u201d turned to our wives, thinking they might do the same. Instead, they say, \u201cHang on a sec,\u201d and turn to the woman hosting the affair. A second turns into a minute, then five minutes. We stand by their side like idiots, finally interrupting the Good-Bye process, to say, \u201cI\u2019m going out to warm up the car.\u201d<\/p>\n
We\u2019re a patient bunch, us old men, having been around long enough to understand the waiting process. We gave up throwing tantrums long ago, the ones where we acted like five-year-olds, tugging at our mothers\u2019 skirts and whining, \u201cCan we go now?\u201d Yes, we gave that up, figured out how to kill time and let the world spin without us.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re fairly compliant, us old guys waiting around. But, sometimes our subconscious takes over and retaliates, causing us to do something stupid, like \u201caccidentally\u201d taping over our wedding video with a Super Bowl game. It balances things out, in this battle of the sexes that\u2019s been raging since the first caveman invented the club and took himself a wife. She then initiated the first Good-Bye process. As they left a neighbor\u2019s cave, she turned to the female host and asked, \u201cWhere did you get that hide; it\u2019s adorable?\u201d<\/p>\n
We\u2019re more civilized about it now, but the battle continues. Psychologists, social scientists and anthropologists have studied the phenomena for centuries. Concluding nothing and simply throwing up their hands in frustration and mumbling things like, \u201cMen are from Mars; Women are from Venus.\u201d In my world it\u2019s simpler; Women shop and Men sit. End of story.<\/p>\n
Comments? Gripes? Send to mlessler7@gmail.com. (Be nice).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m sitting here in exile. Call me old guy #1. Next to me is a guy wearing a baseball cap and white knee socks (old…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-50245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-editorial"],"yoast_head":"\n