Back in \u201cthe day\u201d people in polite society muttered under their breath. It started when they were kids and their mother said, \u201cPut away that Monopoly game and go clean your room!\u201d That\u2019s where the \u201cmutter\u201d came in, \u201cYea, well you\u2019re a Stupid Head!\u201d It was muttered \u201cunder the breath,\u201d so mom knew you said something, but not what. It made you feel better after getting bossed around, but not in trouble for the cardinal sin of \u201csassing back.\u201d Your parent might ask, \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d You\u2019d lie, and say, \u201cNothing.\u201d The \u201cmutter\u201d under your breath thing was an important component in maintaining a civil relationship. It provided relief for frustration without causing full-blown confrontation. Fortunately, it\u2019s a technique that\u2019s been adapted to our modern technological society. Kids don\u2019t mutter under their breath, but they are masters at \u201ctext\u201d muttering. They reply, for example, to mom\u2019s text to, \u201cGet your fanny home right now, young lady,\u201d with, \u201cYes mom, on my way. Love you; yash<\/i> (you\u2019re a stupid head). Parents don\u2019t know they\u2019ve just been sassed. If they Google for a meaning, they won\u2019t find it. It\u2019s a secret cipher that the best code breakers have yet to crack.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s nice to see that the mutter tradition continues. It\u2019s healthy for kids to express their frustration at being bossed around by adults, and yet, keep things civil. I\u2019m sure our mothers knew exactly what we\u2019d muttered when we were growing up, but they were wise enough to let it drop. Overt sassing, if detected, could not be ignored, and often resulted in a slap \u201cupside\u201d the head.<\/p>\n
Old coots don\u2019t mutter. The world would be a better place if we did, but we don\u2019t. It\u2019s because our hearing prowess fades as we age and when we try to mutter it comes out at full volume. \u201cThat\u2019s the stupidest thing I ever heard of,\u201d we\u2019ll try to mutter to the waitress who just informed us we\u2019re too late for the early bird special, but it comes out loud. We ruined her day, but it wasn\u2019t our intent. After this happens a few times we come to realize that we\u2019re not muttering and we kind of like how it feels. So we stick with it.<\/p>\n
We don\u2019t text well, at least not proficiently enough to end a message with a YASH. <\/i>\u00a0Our deteriorating hand-eye coordination makes us hit the wrong keys and anything could come out in our message; we don\u2019t check our work before sending it and probably would insult the recipient. Which we want to do, but secretly. We\u2019d end up with a black eye. And, that\u2019s just another peril of being an old coot.<\/p>\n
Complaints, comments can be left at mlessler7@gmail.com.<\/p>\n