\u201cThis is going to kill! It will hurt so bad, you\u2019ll wish I knocked you out first!\u201d That\u2019s something you never hear a doctor say. Instead, you hear, \u201cYou\u2019ll feel a little pinch, then a slight burning sensation.\u201d And, no matter how many times you\u2019ve experienced this rouse, you still believe it. \u201cThis time,\u201d (you say to yourself), \u201cIt will be true.\u201d How can it not? Right there on the wall, framed in polished oak, is the physician\u2019s college diploma. And then, there\u2019s that language switch from English to Latin to explain your condition. Who can question the credibility of someone speaking Latin, a stethoscope hanging from their neck, a diploma on the wall and all decked out in a white lab coat? It kills, this little pinch and the slight burning sensation that follows, but we play our part in this one-act play, by saying, \u201cThat wasn\u2019t so bad.\u201d It\u2019s only when we get to the parking lot that we admit the truth and scream at the top of our lungs as we writhe in pain on the black top.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re introduced to this technique when we\u2019re na\u00efve little kids. It starts with all those shots (the ones that will feel like a little pinch). My rude awakening came when I was four-years old; I had my tonsils out. The big lie that day was, \u201cThey are going to wheel you into the operating room, place a flower on your nose; you\u2019ll take a little sniff and fall asleep.\u201d I believed it! Until the nurse strapped a mask to my face and that horrible odor of ether engulfed me, removing all the possibility of a fragrant flower lulling me to sleep. I was also promised all the ice cream I could eat after it was over. It was five full days before I could swallow a small sip of water without shrieking in pain.<\/p>\n
But, the little white \u201cmedical\u201d lies have their place. Unfortunately, they go away when old coots are the patients. They don\u2019t pull their punches with us. – \u201cI don\u2019t know what that lump is on the side of your nose; I\u2019ve never seen anything like it.\u201d \u2013 \u201cYou say it hurts when you bend over; don\u2019t bend over.\u201d \u2013 \u201cDo you have a living will; you should. And soon.\u201d – \u201cAnd, while you\u2019re at it, you might want to sign a do-not-resuscitate order.\u201d – Or, my favorite; the one I\u2019ve heard at least 25 times over the last fifteen years, \u201cYou have to expect that at your age. \u201cBut Doc, I wasn\u2019t \u2018expecting\u2019 any of this stuff,\u201d I whine, as he helps me to the door with a fistful of new prescriptions. Then I read the warning label and realize the magic pills are the biggest lie of all!<\/p>\n
Complaints, comments can be left at mlessler7@gmail.com.<\/p>\n