“Go like this!” A perfect stranger will say to you, and then brush their index finger across their cheek. \u201cYou\u2019ve got a crumb on your face.” So, you brush your left cheek, mirroring their gesture, and a cornflake, a stale Cheerio or a chunk of blueberry muffin falls to the floor. “How long have I been walking around like that?” You ask yourself (somewhat ashamedly). Not long, is the answer, not if you were within sight of another human. Our species is obsessed with things out of place on each other\u2019s face. An eyelash, a piece of confetti, a speck of sand. It doesn’t matter. Our eye is drawn to it. We can’t stop ourselves from saying, “Go like this,” to eliminate the imperfection.\u00a0Sometimes, taking matters into our own hands and brushing it off the “afflicted” face.<\/p>\n
It’s a face thing! Oh sure, we’ll order a stranger to, “Zip it pal!” Or we’ll giggle, as a macho stud struts across the room with a three-foot streamer of toilet paper attached to the heel of his shoe, but our real attention is focused on the face. I think this might come from our ancestors. If you\u2019ve ever watched a pair of monkeys or a family of gorillas you get an idea of how far up the family tree this fetish goes. Apes spend most of their free time tidying up each other\u2019s faces. Beneath our sophisticated trappings we’re not a lot different than our evolutionary predecessors.<\/p>\n
Old coots experience \u201cGo like this\u201d statements more than regular people. If we didn\u2019t, our faces would be covered with unwanted droppings, matching those on our clothes. We\u2019d look like a Marine in full camouflage. But, it\u2019s more than debris that we carry around; we have other \u201cattractions\u201d that result in unsolicited public commentary, such as: \u201cYour pants are on backwards!\u201d \u2013 \u201cYou\u2019re wearing two different shoes.\u201d \u2013 You missed all three belt loops on the back of your pants.\u201d \u2013 \u201cYour sweater is on inside out. Maybe backwards too.\u201d So, the next time you feel a little embarrassed because someone points out a cornflake stuck to your cheek and says, \u201cGo like this,\u201d just think how you\u2019ll feel when you get old enough to join the old coot association. That\u2019s when you need all the courage you can muster to leave the house and venture into public. Your fellow old coots won\u2019t help you. We never say,\u201d Go like this to each other.\u201d We want the old goat next to us to look worse than we do. It\u2019s a jungle out there.<\/p>\n
Old Coot books are available at Riverow Bookshop, Owego.<\/p>\n
Comments, complaints can be left at mlessler7@gmail.com.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Go like this!” A perfect stranger will say to you, and then brush their index finger across their cheek. \u201cYou\u2019ve got a crumb on your…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-39213","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-editorial"],"yoast_head":"\n