By Merlin Lessler —<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been, or it seems like it, a Siamese twin for the last dozen years or so \u2013 one twin that grew into adulthood and old age, constantly saying, \u201cI used to,\u201d or \u201cI once could do,\u201d and the like.<\/p>\n
The other one, trying to look ahead, not back. I\u2019m in a struggle to separate the two. It\u2019s a tricky process because we are joined at the head. It\u2019s pulling away from those old brain cells from the past and moving to a new beginning. I should have done this ten years ago, but I\u2019m a late bloomer. <\/p>\n
I\u2019m just starting to get used to the separation. I limit my looking back to the day I turned 80. Not much going on since then to reminisce about with longing. A clean slate.<\/p>\n
I walk; I swim; I bike; I do push-ups; I wash the car and putter around in the yard. No real changes in my 80\u2019s. Oh sure, I have a few ailments and physical limitations to put up with, but not bad when I don\u2019t compare myself to the memories now in the hands of my separated twin. <\/p>\n
Life is happier when you get rid of an \u201cI used to\u201d focus. Sure, a few brain cells from my twin cling to me, but for the most part, they are fuzzy, weak, and fading. It took all these years to learn to live in the \u201chere and now.\u201d<\/p>\n
My coffee buddies in both New York and Florida are younger than me, except for 100 year-old Lester. Some, by a few years, others younger than three of my oldest daughters. This kind of daily interaction helps a lot. <\/p>\n
My memory lane trips still come out on their own, but only when I take pen (or keyboard) in hand. It\u2019s not a conscious thing. It just happens. When I look at the output, I\u2019m always surprised. It might come from my twin, but it seems more likely to be produced by the subconscious in a process similar to the one that produces dreams.<\/p>\n
So, you still have to put up with the Old Coot. Sorry.<\/p>\n